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Would you say anything?

Mr. Dad
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We have a nephew that is almost 2.5 yo on my wife's side. The Mom is very controlling. So much so, that she NEVER has a babysitter because she fears outside influence. She is also a Vegan, which is fine other than the fact that she feeds her kids Crystal Lite and Cheetos for breakfast. I guess that technically is a Vegan meal... right? Anyways, just giving you a feel for what we are dealing with.

Her 2.5 yo son does not say any words clearly. I mean he mumbles, but you are trying to figure out if it is a word or not. We mentioned it to our Pediatrician (because we know he hasn't been to a Doctor for a while), and she said he needs speech therapy most likely at the least. We are aware of the under 3 provision.

The question is... Do we say anything to them? We have hinted, but never came straight out and said, get that kid evaluated for speech and hearing. My wife had a conversation with her once about kids and speech problems, but she had no clue it could possibly include her son. Dad is my wife's brother and in general is clueless on these issues, although a great Dad otherwise.

What would you do?


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Submitted by Mr. Dad on Thu, 10/23/2008 - 10:57pm.

Electriclime
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Man, that's a tough

Man, that's a tough situation to be in. You want more than anything to do what's best for that kids, but it sounds like the Mom would never listen to anybody but herself from what you say. Telling other people anything about how they raise their kids is slippery; even if they are way out of line.

Maybe try to work on the Dad; may be more appropriate since he's your wife's brother and he may be willing to listen to you about things like making sure his child is getting regular checkups. I can't say anything about the speech level (my daughter is only 6mo), but the general health aspect seems suspect and that could cause other developmental problems down the road.

Good luck!

Rich C. : Novice baby wrangler and cat herder.
http://one-sahd-dude.blogspot.com/
http://good-eats-fan.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/onesahddude/


Fri, 10/24/2008 - 1:15am

ticktock
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I would plan to make one

I would plan to make one well-placed diplomatic honest comment. And then I would drop it.

The kid comes up to you with an orange mouth full of cheetos and babbles incoherently and you say, "Hey, Barbara, are you concerned with Charlie's language development? I heard that you can get him checked out by early intervention for free, but that you have to do it before he turns three."

She says, "shut the hell up, you ass, I'm the mom and I can do what I want, so don't criticize my kid."

"OK. I'll e-mail you the link to that early intervention place later if you decide you are interested. Let's forget I ever said anything and play Parcheesi!!!"

http://www.sciencebasedparenting.com


Fri, 10/24/2008 - 8:26am

dkremers_1965
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One Word

Dad. Seriously, I agree with Electriclime. Work on dad and if your wife and he have a close relationship as brother and sister, she should be the one doing it. What ever you decide, I wouldn't push the issue too much. It is there kid and even though you care, they have to make the decisions. Hopefully they will hear you guys and make the right one.

Check out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/


Fri, 10/24/2008 - 9:06am

Albyonfloats
Posts: 110
 Joined: 2008-07-03
 Dad Points: 137
No good way to go about it

If you have any kind of relationship with the dad, you could mention that something came up on this site and present him with the "similar situation" that someone posted here. Ask him what he thinks the guy in question should do and get an idea of what his thoughts are on the matter. Then once you have an idea of how he would proceed if he were the one having to decide whether or not to intervene, you should have a better idea of how to make your pitch (or not make your pitch as the case may be).

Normally, I'm a straight ahead kind of guy but family makes that approach a bit reckless when you can be as indelicate as I tend to be in situations like this. So maybe the end around approach will bear fruit and he'll be open to it based on the delicate way in which you tried to handle it. Or not. Either way, you should earn some points just for not being an ass about it and just calling them stupid and demanding that they get it together already.

Making it look difficult. Living the dream.


Wed, 10/29/2008 - 11:01am

Ariel3618
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 Joined: 2008-10-13
 Dad Points: 62
Vegan mom ad polite advice

Hi Mr. Dad,
Approach with caution. I had an issue with my sister in-law and know how dismissive she is. She had done something directly contrary to our expressed wishes and I was PISSED. I talked with my brother and while I didn't necessarily get satisfactory resolution, I was able to express my feelings to someone who would listen and he was able to explain why she did what she did while admitting her behavior was inappropriate. He couldn't promise that similar stuff wouldn't happen again but at least we know now not to trust her with info we want to keep confidential in the family. Talk with your bro in-law if you think he is open to discussion (I would not offer advice but simply discuss concerns) in a nonjudgemental or confrontational way.
Regarding the vegan thing. My wife has been a vegan for 15 years while I eat anything put in front of me (except eggplant). She however is nonmilitant (thank god) and is perfectly happy to let our daughter decide when she is mature enough to make her own informed decisions. That being said, cheetos are not vegan but healthy things like cheerios, enriched soy milk, oatmeal, fruits and countless other things are. We have a huge number of vegetarian and vegan cookbooks from around the world so we can have our child develope a healthy appreciation of food and a good palate. There are nutrional websites that can help with info but of course your bro in-law has to take an active interest in his own child's well being and get involved to make sure his child is getting what he needs. With food at least (and not leather car interiors) it's not about being vegan or not, it's simply about making sure our bundles of joy get the proper nutrition.
No info on speech but my name is Ariel and I couldn't pronounce "r" until I was in fifth grade so imagine my childhood (with the name and mispronounciations) and I turned out great (according to my wife).
Hope some of this helps.
Ariel


Sat, 11/01/2008 - 11:38am

Mr. Dad
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 Dad Points: 238
Had the talk

About a week ago, my brother in law was over, and my wife brought up the subject. He was very receptive, and when she told him about the early intervention program, he was very open. He even said he will have to get his son evaluated. He said he knows his son is behind, but didn't realize how far until he heard our 20 month old spewing words.

Thanks again guys. Your advice seemed to work. Not sure if he will follow through, but he usually does what he says.

Ariel - Thanks for the input on Vegan too. I have since learned Cheetos are not vegan... lol. I give any vegan credit for sticking to it. Did a little research and almost all common foods have some sort of animal product in it. Honey, milk, or eggs seem to be the common ones you can't get away from.


Thu, 11/13/2008 - 10:08am

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