Hello I am a 40 yr old Carpenter recently turned SAHD. I have been at home w/ our 4 month old Daughter for about a monthsince my wife went back to work. We have 2 1/2 yr old twins, a Son and Daughter who are still in Daycare. We will keeep them home as soon as I (and my Wife) think I can handle it.
It is the best option for our family right now, I am into it, but I am having some trouble adjusting. i have no trouble caring for the Baby, I was able to take the 3 months my wife was on maternity leave off to do work on the house, and help her out. So the baby and I are pretty well bonded.
Self esteem issues aside the biggest problem I am having is with the Homemaking / Housework aspect of it all. My style when working was just all out A-Z, two hours twelve hours whatever it took to complete the days work, but that isnt working with a baby in the mix.
I cant get figure out how to do a little of everything that needs done. If I vacume a room I VACUME The ROOM, pulling furniture out, baseboards
lampshades, window and door casings Everything. So we usually have one clean room and the rest of the house is a wreck. If I am doing laundry I wind up noticing lint behind the drier and out come the washer and Drier and the ShopVac and the day is shot. Does any body have any advice on how I can learn to prioritize and schedule the day to day cooking cleaning.? A sample schedule would be a huge help. i am treating every task like a project and the maintenance is just getting a way from me. i really need to have the day to day ironed out befoe the twins stay home. Thanks JOE
New and Need Help with Day to Day Stuff
Joe
I also have a difficult time finding the balance between projects and maintenance of the house. Whenever I am in the process of a project that is outside the lines of normal house duties (powerwashing the deck, painting the basement, etc)....messiness ensues. For me, knowing upfront that the house will suffer when a bigger project is in the works, helps alleviate the stress of it (not the mess, but the stress). Once the project is over, the catch up of housework can be done gradually.
One of the biggest ways that I find to keep things tidy is to know exactly where everything goes. Once there is a basic system, tidying of the three major rooms of the house (living, dining, kitchen) usually only requires 20 minutes. We have a toyroom in the basement, but we are realistic to know that all the toys will not remain in the basement. So in almost every room in the house, there is a designated basket, decorative tote or storage ottoman that can hold several toys. Then all the toys in that room can be thrown in the bin quickly for a neat appearance.
Another thing that works for us is knowing that the house with kids will never stay in magazine spread appearance. Lowering the standards below Martha Stewarts brings a needed relief. With the basic tidying of the house down to under 30 minutes, you can get the cleaning (vacuum, mopping, dusting, etc) done in an hour or so. WIfe and I usually clean together on saturdays before noon. Together we can knock out the majority of the house in an hour. Again...does the toy room really need to be completely clean? Does the kids beds have to be made? Does the grout in the kitchen tile really need scrubbed? To me, the answer is no. Don't get me wrong, I get annoyed by clutter and filth a lot, but some things are completely unnecssary on a daily basis. If we are having company, we do things like make the beds and clean the toy room but for daily routine...it seems unnecessary.
My motto has always been, "I did not stay at home so that I could have a clean model-like home. I stayed home to foster development and nurture my kids because it is the best choice for our family."
Again, this is all just my perspective, but I hope you can find peace of mind in being a dad for those kids...not a maid.
what you doin with that shop-vac in your hand?
One thing I learned early on from veteran at-home dad Hogan Hilling, was to straighten up and clean the rooms you and your kids are in throughout the day. That seemed to help me out. We seemed to have a bin of toys in every room of the house at the time, so my son would pull toys out of it, I would play with him and do a couple things around in the room, back and forth. It was good one on one time and some good independent play time for him with me there in the room. When I was done, a quick sweep of the toys into the bin and on to the next room we went. He was ready for a change in venue too!
Also, try to save the deep cleaning for a specific day or time. Surface and spot cleaning are important everyday, but pulling the furniture out and the shop vac to vacuum the lint behind the drier every time, to me seems a bit overkill. In your other line of work (construction) keeping the workspace clean and efficient is much like your current line of work being an at-home dad. You'll be great at establishing your own routine after a while.
Get a dry erase board if that helps. Write down the things you want to get done a certain day. Monday is this. Tuesday is that. Don't feel you HAVE to get everything done on your list on that day and don't get down on yourself for not getting everything done. As long as the kids are fed, clean, happy you are doing a great job. The rest will happen.
Anyway...Stop taking on too much in a day. Make a list of the stuff you need to do. Doing the laundry and you notice the lint? Make a note to clean the lint on Saturday when you have the free time to do it, or during nap time.
I'll think of more, but I am rambling now...
Good luck!
Brian
I've been going through the ame thing; how the heck do you get it all done and watch your kids at the same time?! Luckily, my daughter is only 4.5 months old right now, so I'm slowly adapting to a routine. Getting things done quickly during naptime has been my key lately; dishes, vacuum a couple rooms, and throw a load of laundry in. I bought a couple of cheap laundry hampers, the nylon type, so our laundry gets sorted as we go. Everything that saves a couple minutes here and there is great! I think organization is the second key, but I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Sadly, I still have home projects that I've been working on for months! I cut new baseboard for my daughter's room, painted them, and now they have been sitting in place on the floor in her room for two weeks. Guess what tomorrow morning's project is? :-)
Rich C. : Novice baby wrangler and cat herder.
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is the key to success.
on sunday night I talk with the wife for the projects she feels need attention and i write down a short list for every day..
more like a PLAN ( both of us know that plans change all the time )
the plan looks like this
monday:
6:30 w/u
6:45 dogs out and make coffee
7:00 coffee up to bed room and turn on t.v.
7:15 put first load of laundry in and transfer and pull out and fold last nights
6:45 till 8:00 2.11 yr old watch for signs of life
7:45 second cup o joe
7:50 S.S.S.
8:10 wake and feed the 2.11 beast of a stomach
8:40 dress for swim lessons ( swim lessons m and w )
8:55 leave for swim lessons
sing wheels on the bus 5 times
9:00 in to the pool
10:15 outa the pool ( shower again with 2.11 )
11 back home, snack and color time
12 Nap till about 2:30
12:05 e-mails, and check on this place
12:25 food and coffee walk on tread mill
1:30 SPEND 5 MIN picking eveything up that is a toy or dog hair in each room
i have a caddy with the essential item for spot cleaning in it
1. a three pack of the car wash mits in varying colors orange= all glass blue = all counters green = dusting
2. rubbing alcohol for windows and glass ( haven't found anything else like it for windows )
3. pledge
4. three little brushes ( the car detail kind stiff plastic, brass, stainless steel )for tough crud removal
5. paper towels
6. forse flex plastic bags and target and grocery bags
7. duct tape in black,gray and white
8. screw driver and philips head and needle nose pliers
9. the dust buster
with all these things i am ready to clean and fix
10. I also have a construction site dust pan that never sees trash it is for the toys on that floor... scoop and put where they belong...my wife thought i was lazy at first ...now im smart.....and a little lazy ...until the day I caught her scoping and puttin away then it was a good idea...
MWF vacume the downstairs living area
TT vacume the upstairs bed rooms
sat. is when i mop the kitchen floor really well
5 min times 10 rooms = 50 mins every day to clean and maintain
2:30 prep dinner and feed 2.11
3:00 play with 2.11 upstairs its a fun game called help daddy match socks and put laundry in the washer , flip the wash to dryer , flip the dry to a fold place and the put away
3:30 take 2.11 for a tricycle ride around the block
4:15 snack for 2.11
5:00 cook dinner
6:00 we eat as a family at the dinner table
7:15 bath time ( during bath i pull the next days cloths so we don't have i wanna wear that melt downs .. she picks between three outfits i pick )
8:00 2.11 is aloud a little t.v. time ( she is not aloud to watch any t.v. before 5 pm )
8:30 bed and storries and books and the brushing of teeth
8:45 laundy one more time if needed
9:00 wife and daddy time
tues and thurs
rinse and repeat all the same way exept
2.11 goes to pre pre school ..... 8:00 am till 5:00 pm
all my projects get done like lawn care, deep cleaning, make beds, scrub showers and the things that wife asked of me
wens.
2.11 and I do our shopping after 11am and we eat lunch out ( no fast food )
thurs
while 2.11 is at school i can go and play golf or do lunch with my friends or i can nap
fri
clean the deck. hose it off and spray it for bugs. get it ready for the weekend
sat and sun
wife and I do what we want to do
side notes:
I clean and straiten every day
I also cook 5 nights a week, wife cooks one night and we do take out one night or we go out
every other thurs night is date night
I throw darts on a wens night league
Chef Kev
WHY? DADDY
JPhillip said it, therefor it is, Chef= C=Caring, H=Helpful, E=Excellent, F=Fubar
You say "self esteem aside?" Are you sure you don't have more to say on that matter? Cause we here have been though it all.
Don't worry about a shcedual becuase then you worry about both the house work and following the schedual. One will devlope over time. I'm a slob and my wife a neat freak but we met in the middle becuase we realize we need time to be with each other and our kids. If there are tasks that can be done by outside help, and you have the cash for it, like laundy, do that. Droping of laundry and picking it up can also be worked into getting groceries or an other outting. And if you can get Fresh Direct then that solves the time it takes to go grocery shoping. I was spoiled in my old neighborhood because a place called Laundry Lounge picked up and droped off. It didn't save money but was a life saver when my daughter was born.
Otherwise I agree clean as you go. You don't have to vacume all the time, or swicth to something fast and lite like The Shark.
Be Seeing You.
thanks to all. I am finally starting to think this whole thing over instead of just reacting. New No 2 is right. It is all about the self esteem. if I can Fix everything, Clean everything, organize everything and feed everyone i am a sucess, if i cant do this I am a just a loser staying home watching TV with a baby. i dont know what our standard is it certainly isnt martha stewart but it cant be like the way I live if left to my own devices. i have been feeling that i have to do almost everything at home and if my wife tries to help with what i consider my duties i start a fight.
Besides my wife I have know one i can talk to about any of this. Its funny but friends and relatives on both sides of the family have asked my wife how it is to be back at work, but not one person has asked me how I am doing staying home with the baby.
I had similar issues with the self-esteem. I'm 47 and had worked hard for most of my life. I never realized that raising a kid is also a full-time job. Since I was running a business out of my home, I thought I could work, take care of the baby, do projects around the house, cook, and do the housework. I managed to do it for about 6 months. He's now 10 months old and running around the house. There's no way that I can do everything now - I end up getting too exhausted and then get sick. Also, my relationship wth my wife and son suffer if I try. I recently asked my wife what she thought were the most important things to clean. She wants the floors swept and vacuumed and I like to have the counters clean and the dishes done so I make sure to keep up with these during the week. The kitchen is easy since I can put him in the high chair and give him some cheerios or something and he's perfectly content to watch me clean. I do the floors while he naps. Then on the weekends, we work together to do the other things that need to be done while still making sure that we spend a lot of time with our son. We've accepted that the house just isn't going to be as clean as we'd like. Being a stay at home parent doesn't mean we're lazy. I've come to realize that raising my son is the most important job I've ever had and I'm pretty lucky to be able to do it.
Many Dads have the same problem, they want their work expriance to guide their at home experiance, problem solving, shceduals etc. I don't think it plays out that way. For some of us it does but I think most of us have a loose schedual we follow, out for some air about a certain time, naps always on time, other activities fall into place while you learn about what you need and whay your kids need. More than one of us has poped a Baby Einstine in and furiously cleaned the bathroom or done dishes. The high chairs is a great tool to keeop your kids happy and safe while you do other tasks.
Hang in, you'll get used to it. :-)
Be Seeing You.
I know, but honestly I think the real key is having an understanding partner who recognizes that there are going to be days, many many days, when you'll be lucky to get any one thing done outside of providing and caring for your child. I'm so high strung -- I hate it when things are undone. It took a strong talking to by my wife to help me finally understand that it was ok if the laundry didn't get folded or the dishes done or the dog shit picked up.
This did more for my psyche than anything else. I still work to do things around the house, but the pressure is off. My suggestion is to talk with your wife -- I bet she'll understand that, somedays, taking care of your children requires 100% of your effort.
Joined: 2008-08-22
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