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AHD near Chicago needs to get away - where can he go?

WOHMBolingbrook
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 Joined: 2008-08-27
 Dad Points: 8

I apologize for intruding, but my husband Jim has been a SAHD since 2005 and he hasn't had a guys vacation in all that time. I have worked full time and until this past July, all our vacation days in the last 3 years were used for time in the hospital. Our oldest has a severe heart defect (HLHS) and has had four heart surgeries, multiple other surgeries, is fed overnight through a g-tube (to his stomach), and is physically weak and behind in development. My husband has taken care of him since his birth, staying at home faithfully. We also have a second son, who just turned 1. His health is fine, thankfully.

My husband has been getting more and more frazzled lately. He snaps at everyone, including the baby, yelling at him for the smallest things. I told him this morning (after he yelled at Liam - the 1 year old - for crying for a bottle at 6 AM) that he could really use some time away from the boys. His response was that he doesn't know any where to go. With all the medical issues, money has always been tight, but we've also spent time in isolation for weeks before and after each surgery and procedure. We know only a few other parents, and the boys don't even get playdates because he's afraid of what might happen if a medical emergency arises. We can't get away as a couple because we don't have anyone else trained to do the feeding pump at night or the large number of required medications.

We live in Bolingbrook, but we don't really know any other SAHDs in the area. He loves baseball (White Sox mainly, but he's a huge baseball fan in general) and enjoys the beach. This weekend would be ideal for him to get away, because after that, we have two weeks before Danny (our oldest) has another cardiac catheterization. Does anyone have ideas on what he could do in the Chicago area this weekend? If he can't see a baseball game here, I'm tempted to suggest he drive to Milwaukee, Detroit, or even St. Louis. He just really needs to get some time away from the boys and recharge. Please help. Thanks.


‹ Labor and Delivery... Healthier Children ›

Submitted by WOHMBolingbrook on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 7:42am.

ticktock
ticktock's picture
Posts: 772
 Joined: 2006-11-06
 Dad Points: 1344
...

http://athomedadconvention.com/

Think about sending him to the at-home-dad convention in Sacramento this November. Not only will he get some time away, but he'll grow as a father.

What about a tour of U.S. Cellular Field?
For details and rates, call 312-674-1000

Is he into music? What about a concert?

He really ought to do something with his friends. Sending him off on his own will likely put him in a situation where he has a lot of time to think and think and think. Does he have a buddy nearby he can visit? Or friends he can take with him?
..........................................
http://www.altparenting.com


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 8:48am

JimD
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 Dad Points: 462
Cubs are in town . . .

although weekend tickets (from scalpers) are expensive. The Sox, Brewers and Cardinals are all out of town this weekend.

There is a minor league team in Madison, WI. There are usually some cheap hotels around Madison and it is fun to rent a bike in town and ride around town.

Starved Rock State park, just southwest of Chicago, is a good getaway. The park has great hiking and river views and the main lodge has a good restaurant and bar. The rooms there might be booked up but there is camping in the park.

There is also a very active Chicago city group that goes out once a month for a Dads' Night Out (DNO). Usually 6-10 dads attend. Have him join us next month. The group uses this website to post playgroups, DNOs, etc.

Hope this helps! Glad that you're looking out for him during this stressful time.


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 9:04am

WOHMBolingbrook
Posts: 4
 Joined: 2008-08-27
 Dad Points: 8
We were the first of our

We were the first of our group of college friends to have kids - and after the experiences we had with health issues, we kind of scared everyone off for a while. Only our friends in Ohio have a child now, and friends in St. Louis are expecting. He has lost touch with most of his high school friends. We each have two bachelor brothers, but only one of them is the weekend-getaway type. All of them except my older brother still live at home, so to visit them would be a weekend with the parents. (That doesn't quite seem like the carefree weekend I think would help.) His younger brother might be able to go, but probably not on very short notice.

I did suggest the convention, but when I told him it was California, he said probably not. We'll have to see about that.

I forgot to suggest the tour when I talked with him a bit ago (when I was away from my cube). That is a good idea. I'll definitely recommend it. Thanks!


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 11:56am

WOHMBolingbrook
Posts: 4
 Joined: 2008-08-27
 Dad Points: 8
DNOs sound good

He's not much into camping. I think his ideal vacation involves a beach with a bar and many TVs all playing different ESPN channels. ;)

Detroit is in town this weekend, but he doesn't want to go on a trip alone.

I'll try to find the DNO group postings.


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 12:06pm

mbieweng
Posts: 389
 Joined: 2006-10-31
 Dad Points: 1203
Just another idea

http://www.chicagosailing.com/lessons.asp

Costs some money, but maybe not as much to a weekend away? He'd get: A few hours away each week over a few weeks or a weekend, with other adults, learning something new to take his mind off of the routine (and using a part of the brain that doesn't get used playing kid games), somewhat active, but not too active, in a nice (beach-like?) environment...

There are other sailing places in town as well, the link above is just one of the more well known ones that's been around a long time.


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 12:23pm

smacmartin
Posts: 65
 Joined: 2008-06-15
 Dad Points: 122
go to Michigan

We are 1.5 hours from the loop, we have the largest state park in michigan(warren dunes) with a great beach, a sports bar with a kazillion tv's five miles away and enough motel/hotels to choke a cat, many not too expensive.....a great burger drive in called Mikey's, blueberry picking, wine tasting.......its just a great place......sw michigan is where its at........


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 2:43pm

WOHMBolingbrook
Posts: 4
 Joined: 2008-08-27
 Dad Points: 8
We went to Three Rivers, MI for our first vacation in July...

His parents share a family cottage there. We had four days, but between Liam screaming in the crib and having to haul Danny's IV pole into the hotel, Jim ended up sleeping with Liam and I with Danny. Not exactly what we'd hoped for... or as restful. But since it was our first vacation since October 2004, I'm not complaining. It was very needed. I'm not sure he would go back for another vacation by himself though. He wasn't fond of the berry picking.


Wed, 08/27/2008 - 3:41pm

msmithivas
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Posts: 110
 Joined: 2006-11-05
 Dad Points: 188
College football / ESPN Zone

College football kicks off this weekend. I'm going to go to a bar near Wrigley Field and catch some of it. He may also want to drive in and go to ESPN Zone. They have tons of TV's, video games, etc. so he could chill out all afternoon, drink some beers, and watch every sports broadcast.

Jazz Fest is also this weekend downtown in Millennium Park. Great place just to wander around, people watch, or just find a quiet corner and read a book.

I can certainly understand from his perspective the difficulty of letting go for a while when your kids need you so much. Some of us dads also participate in online fantasy sports leagues, so that might also be a way for him to let off some steam from home. It's also a less intimidating way to get to know some of us here compared to showing up at a bar somewhere in person for the first time.

Good luck, and tell him he's your hero!


Fri, 08/29/2008 - 10:37pm

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