Ok, sorry if i start to vent. My son Colin, 4yo, started Soccer camp this week. Its from 5pm-8pm, mon-fri. There are 3 other boys in his age group and one girl. Since the camp runs late, the wife and I decided to take turns going home with the 2yo, to feed, bath, and put her to bed. Last night, after I left, the mother of the young girl, got in my wifes face, yelling that she cant control her/my son. It seems my son pushed her daughter. I know its wrong, and he does too, but these kids are four. They are all out there rough housing and having a good time. Soccer is a contact sport, right? The young girl has spent 80% of the last two days standing on the side line because her feelings have been hurt, because she gets her ball kicked in keep away type games exc... This has bothered my wife mostly because it was hard for her to swalow her pride, and keep her mouth shut(she is a Captain promotable to Major, she knows how to get into some a$$). I guess my question is should I "coach" more from the sideline? Pull him over and time out when he gets a little crazy? What about the other kids messing with him? I figured it was in the coaches hands, and just let the kids have fun. The minute they start getting into trouble, they will no longer be having fun, which will result in them not wanting to play the sport. Any others have any experince with this? Its new to me, but I remember the crazy parents when I played little league baseball. All advice is welcome.
Thanks
Jason
Coaching from the sideline
Jason,
I can't say Ihave any advice but I will join you in a chois of "Oh please." Kids are playing sports and it's supposed to be rough and competative. Isn't that the point? That's why I went to Film school.
It's the coaches "job" to solve inter team problems. My girl had had fights, I guess you would call it, with other kids at the play gound but I always smile and talk to the parents as if it was all OK. Theer isn't any reason as adults you and this other aprent can't sent a good example and settle problems without name calling.
Be Seeing You.
I know its wrong, and he does too
If that's the case, couldn't you at least talk to him about it? You don't necessarily need to "coach" from the sidelines, get him in trouble, or give a time out, but what's wrong with providing a little guidance? Incidental contact or playing hard is one thing (in the "oh please" category), pushing girls (or anyone for that matter) for no good reason is something else. To think that talking to him about this stuff is going to make him not want to play the sport seems unlikely to me.
Even if it was an accidental thing, what's wrong with teaching him to do something like say "sorry" and offer a hand? You can do that without "trouble" or "punishment". Maybe after the game is over or during a break or whatever? It seems to me that's just good sportsmanship - it would be pretty cool if we parents could do something to help that make a comeback.
As for it being the "coach's job", that may be. But, what happened to the "I'm an at-home dad - I'm not letting strangers raise my kid" attitude that seems to be so common around here? Why suddenly thow up your hands and let it be someone else's job for this particular stuff? Even if it is their job, why leave it entirely up to them? In the end, the responsibility for raising your kid is up to you and nobody else. So, do what you need to do if there's something missing.
Without seeing all the details, I can't judge the particular situation but, in any case, I think there's a lot of room between being a cry baby and a "crazy parent". I completely understand that the other parent may be at one extreme of that spectrum. That's certainly stupid and annoying, but that doesn't mean that you need to take up a position on the other end.
I'm not taking sides...just suggesting taking the higher ground.
but I guess the question I ask is this... is it really a "coaching" issue that should be addressed by the coach or a "behavioral" issue that should be handled by the parent. In all honesty, I think your walking a fine line between having the coach "coach" your child at such a young age.
I'm not suggesting anyone is wrong (although I think the other parent over-reacted), but it wouldn't hurt for you and/or your wife to pull your son aside and explain some of the do's and don'ts.
I agree with many points here. As far as the pushing, it is certainly not devious in nature. They are all laughing and having fun, untill the young girl got pushed. I have talked with him about it, the day before, and I thought he understood. Maybe seeing his mother, with her feelings hurt will have an impact. We will see this evening. I have talked with him again. I hope he just doesnt get carried away when the other kids start.
Thanks again
Jason
I started voluntarlily coaching for the Y this year. Three year old soccer for my son's team this past spring and 4-5 year old t-ball now. I have been lucky so far as to having some good parents of the kids on my team.I do not tolerate any of my kids to hit or name call. I have had to sit my own son out a couple of times for pushing other kids. Since this is my first time ever to coach I really appreciate all the help I can get from the parents. They do know their own children better than me. You would be suprised though about what I see from other coaches, refs, parents, and team members. I am doing this for the fun of it and I figure since my son is playing I am going to be there anyway.
Back to the subject of what should of been done is if it was a team I was coaching and another parent yelled at someone about their kid I would have probably stepped in to help solve the problem. If the parent was uncontrolable I would probably ask them to leave and not come back. This is not about the parents, it is about the kids. If a certain kid continues to push, hit, or name call then the parent will definitely have to step in and do something about it or I will not let the kid play.
I hope this helps
I am not a coach, but I do referee youth soccer on the weekends, so I see a lot of soccer. I do not referee kids younger than 10, so I cannot relate to that point, but I can relate to the point about parents being too involved. There are some parents who come out and watch, cheer their team on and never say a word to any of the refs on the field. I love working these games. On the other hand, I have parents who scream and yell at the players, the refs and the coaches. These games are a bear to work. I hate it when parents scream and yell at me because their kid got touched by someone else. Soccer is not necessarily a contact sport like football is...it is more like a contact sport like basketball is.
I would suggest having a discussion with your kid about the shove and, going forward, have an open dialog with the coach about how he wants you, and other parents, to discipline kids for behavior on the field. As your kid gets older, I am sure the coach will want to discipline in his own way, with back-up from the parents.
As a ref, I look at the field neutral and can tell which teams have good respect for the game, the refs, other players and their opponents and which teams do not. I believe that it is a combo of good parenting and good coaching that accomplishes this.
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My wife asked me if I had signed up for the 401k yet. I told her I hadn't. She asked me why and I told her I couldn't run that far.
Well everthing went flawless yesterday! Just two more days of camp. I talked with my son a bit more and i think it got through his knuckle head. The screaming mom did bring three grown men with her and a video camera. I cant help to think she did because of the incident, but that may be a bit of paranoia lol.
Thanks all for the input
Jason
my monkeys 7and 5 started soccer this year first time competitive
the thing is its hot and late at night after a full day
your child is at the end of his rope, through no fault of anyone it is just reality
kids horse around and sometimes take it too far so as good parents we say something to them in a calm manner and help teach them or change the environment
then usually other sucky parents who think their kid is gods gift to the world open their pie holes and the preverbial crap hits the fan!!!!!!
as a good parent you point that out to them maintain your calm demeaner and realize there are a lot of idiots in the world that if they disappeared would be nice but there is nothing realistic to do about it
at all means protect your kid but down in your neck of the woods i bet it is safer to walk away knowing they are an idiot and you are normal, no sense getting into it with a jerk!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 2008-06-19
Dad Points: 23