Even before I was home, all the money went in the big bucket (since dbringham already took the pot) and we did a budget on how much we each needed per week and Ta-Da! It has made life a lot easier. This is certainly one of the issues that seems to come up every now and again and really requires that families sit down and discuss it. It is easy to get to a point where you feel like you are "stealing" money for yourself or don't deserve what you take, but keep in mind that the job you do is full time, and you do deserve something for it. I think it is an issue that very easily gets to be an elephant in the room, but with a little understanding on both parties and honest communication it can be tackled (at least for us it was, but everyone's situation is different).

db
Father of three,
Mac (6), Tavie(4), and Buddy(3)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Denver_Dad/

We just use a joint checking/savings. My wife doesn't like handling the bills or finances, so I handle most of it. I keep her in the loop as to where we are financially on a regular basis. No real allowances. We used to take out a certain amount of cash each month to use for groceries and fun stuff, but it didn't really work for us. We now use the ATM (in moderation) when cash is needed, and divide it as needed. I usually need more cash, because of groceries and such. I personally would be insulted if she gave me an allowance. To me that signifies inequality in the relationship, unless she is getting the same allowance.

I don't think there is any reason to feel bad about spending your money (money earned by your wife's income). As long as you are being financially responsible. I think it is OK to get some drinks or go to a movie with a friend, without feeling guilty. We never make any large purchases without discussing it.

It is an adjustment I admit. I spent the first 10 years of our marriage as the breadwinner, while she was in school. Changing rolls is never easy.

You've seen "Streetcar," right?

Seriously, marriage is a partnership. Why do you need an allowance? Unless you have some extravagent tastes in cigars or some addictions to pay-per-view Internet porn, she shouldn't need to buget you.

Me - my wife knows the only things I regularly buy for myself are beer and CDs/music downloads. As long as neither gets out of control, she says she's fine. Occassional, Mets game, OK. Taking myself out to lunch once every few weeks, no problem as long as I don't overtip the dancers, uh, waitresses

Good luck!

Always Home and Cool
www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com
Stop juvenile myositis through www.curejm.org!

I feel better reading that others are also uncomfortable with taking your wife's money as your own to do things for yourself. I still have a difficult time with it.
I haven't earned an income since I met my wife 7 years ago. The first 5 years were quite difficult on our marriage. She's an executive and I followed her to Hong-Kong and Shanghai, trying but failing at starting a high end furniture business. We then lived in Australia where I had a hard time earning money. She didn't want me to depend on her financially despite earning a high income and I was having a tough time finding work after several years out of the job market and being in foreign countries.
We had our son a little over two years ago and this issue became less important as I became SAHD when he turned 3 months old. This was mostly by choice but also because I didn't have many alternatives and a career was simply never something I strived for.
Today my wife's very happy with the way I raise our son and I find a lot of joy with him. But the stress on our marriage over financial independence has lingered. She is the family CFO who keeps track of all the expenses of our joint account and while she never says anything about it, I always feel uncomfortable taking money to do things for myself (dinner/drinks out with friends, etc.). I feel vulnerable, always at the mercy of her approval/disapproval. "Want a flat screen? Why 47" when a 40" is big enough and why this more expensive model when this one is cheaper"... I'm sure you've all gone through these discussions with your spouse.
I must say that I thoroughly understand why women have fought so hard to emancipate themselves from this potential tyranny. In fact, I've finally decided to go back to work, part or full time in order to gain not only some financial independence (which will never be equal since she commands a much higher income and our standard of living is at her level) but also to reassert a certain respect.
Sadly, the one most affected by this transition is my son who will end up going to a costly childcare/per-school, from 8 to 6, 5 days a week. While I won't miss the tremendous work that I put in raising him for the last couple of years, I know that I will painfully miss our time together. Perhaps this is simply the first step in being a parent... Wow.

Money has never been an issue with us. Other than the fact that i like to keep some cash of my own for my own discretionary use. The biggest issue I have is when I buy my wife gifts for her B day, xmas, anniversary, etc. I feel weird using a credit card as she handles th household finances and therefore pays all the bills. I don't like the idea of her paying a credit card bill with the charge for her gift on it. Mostly because she would complain that I spent too much money on her. Other than that I could care less where the money comes from as long as it keeps coming.

I think this is turning more into a "my money" and "her money", which isn't really what I meant. I don't mind her doing all the finances and yes, I buy stuff with our credit cards and she pays for it, and as long as its reasonable, neither of us say anything. For instance, if I go buy something at home depot, she never questions it because she knows whatever it is, it's going towards home improvements. But, if I go out with my friends and want to pick up the tab, I don't want her to really know how much I spent, because I will feel guilty if she doesn't go out with her friends and spend money too. Or if I want to buy her flowers one day, I don't think its really right that she sees how much it is and has to pay for it too. So all I was asking about, is do any of the other guys here have any kind of personal spending money.